I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
