Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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