please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
