Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
