Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
