I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Four minutes until I can fart!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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