I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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