some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
