Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
