remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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