Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
