i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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