so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
