guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
