you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
