a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
