Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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