Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
