Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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