Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
