when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want her autograph on my taint
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
