I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
