Screwed.edu
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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