I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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