Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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