he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
