Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
