i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
