she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
