I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
