Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
