The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
