I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
