Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
