I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you didnt know i had herpes?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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