Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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