Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
