cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
