Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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