i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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