That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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