My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
