A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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