She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
