she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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