Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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