Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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