We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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