just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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