If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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