How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
