sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
