Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
