i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
