Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
