White coat. Heels.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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