I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
