you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
