Tell her she can't have a vagina
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
