Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
