and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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