She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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