Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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