and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
