hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Randomize
