i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
