five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
