Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My feet surprised me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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